Why

Why do things have to be so hard. Lately, I have had a lot of time on my hands at work. When I have too much free time my mind starts running circles. Like my first thought today was gee my best friend has really been distant lately. She hardly calls and we haven't hung out in forever. So, I text her and ask if she wants to hang with me and one of my new gay guy friends, who I met through her! She says "I won't go to a bar." Now, I know the bar scene isn't her thing, but she would usually go for a bit. My bff is straight and married, but used to be cool with who I am. When I asked her why she wouldn't go she said she doesn't feel comfortable, which is a total blow to my face. I don't know a whole lot of lezzies in the area and it would be nice to have someone go with me besides my gay boy. I guess people change. It really sucks because my girlfriend lives so far away. Sucks even more because I think she is questioning things. I guess it is normal to question, but she has been going to church stuff lately and I am sure that is making things much harder. I just keep telling her I would never stand in the way of her faith and I just want her to be happy. Hell, I just want me to be happy. In a couple of weeks I will be though because I am going to visit her. Anyway, enough for now!